Modesty - More Than Inches

 

“You’re Almost There”: When Jewelry Becomes Ostentatious

Well, let me tell you a story.

A group of us were sitting around a table when the conversation turned to hats in church—specifically, what someone jokingly called “Pentecostal fruit-basket hats.”

I told them about a pastor I worked with about fifteen years ago. He invited me to visit his church, and I replied, “I can’t do the hats.”

One of my friends—a man, as it happened—looked at me and said:

“Oh, come on. I’ve seen some of the necklaces you wear. You’re almost there.”

Ouch.

It was funny because it was true enough to sting. I may not have been ready for a large, elaborately decorated church hat, but I have never been shy about wearing a statement necklace.

The exchange reminded me that modesty is not merely about how much skin an outfit reveals. Scripture also connects modesty with restraint in personal display:

“Women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire.”
—1 Timothy 2:9 (ESV)

Paul is not giving us a hedge law that forbids every braid, pearl, or piece of gold. His concern is ostentatious adornment—using our appearance to advertise wealth, status, or importance rather than reflecting godliness and good works.

And that means costume jewelry is not automatically exempt. Something does not have to be expensive to be excessive. A twenty-dollar necklace can command more attention than a costly but understated one. Modesty is not determined by the price tag; it also involves the impression we are trying to create.

Jewelry can be beautiful, feminine, colorful, and enjoyable. I do not believe Scripture requires Christian women to make themselves plain or unattractive. But there is a difference between wearing something lovely and arranging ourselves so that everyone must notice us.

That difference is not always measurable. Scripture does not limit us to one necklace, two bracelets, or earrings below a certain size. Here again, we must resist turning wisdom into a dress code. What looks excessive in one setting may look perfectly appropriate in another.

The better questions concern the heart:

Why did I choose this?

Am I enjoying beauty, or seeking attention?

Does my appearance complement the occasion, or dominate it?

Would I be disappointed if no one noticed or complimented what I wore?

My friend’s comment did not make me give up statement necklaces. It did, however, give me a memorable reason to examine them—and myself—a little more honestly.

Perhaps I am not ready for the fruit-basket hat.

But apparently, I’m almost there.

Product Review: Heading Prints, the silky scarves

 

Heading Print Silky Scarves: 

I have two and I wear the one shown on a regular basis.

What I love:

• the size - generous, square, enough scarf to tie easily
• the design and colors! So pretty

What I don't love so much"

• when they say "silky" they mean silky! It did stay in place, but it didn't fell as if it was staying in place.

Heading Prints also has cotton bandanas, smaller and really suitable for less formal gatherings. 

What Biblical Modesty Is—and Is Not

 

These questions will show up again at the bottom of the post:

 Before asking, Is this outfit allowed? perhaps we should first ask:

What am I hoping my appearance will communicate?

Do my choices reflect humility, self-control, and consideration for others?

Am I using modesty to honor God—or to measure myself against other women?

When Christians discuss modesty, the conversation often begins—and ends—with clothing. How short is too short? How low is too low? Are pants acceptable? Must shoulders, knees, or collarbones be covered?

Those questions may have a place, but the Bible approaches modesty more broadly.

Paul writes:

“Women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.”
—1 Timothy 2:9–10

The contrast is not simply between revealing and non-revealing clothing. Paul contrasts conspicuous outward display with the good works appropriate to a woman who professes faith in God. In that setting, elaborate hairstyles, gold, pearls, and expensive clothing could advertise wealth and social position.

Peter makes a similar point:

“Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart.”
—1 Peter 3:3–4

Neither passage means that women may never braid their hair, wear jewelry, or own attractive clothing. If Peter were issuing an absolute prohibition, “the clothing you wear” would prohibit clothing itself. The point is one of emphasis: outward appearance must not become the source of our identity, value, or glory.

Biblical modesty begins with the heart.

It includes humility rather than self-display, self-control rather than excess, and concern for others rather than a constant desire to be noticed. It asks not only, How much of my body is showing? but also:

• Am I dressing to advertise wealth or status?
• Am I trying to provoke envy or sexual attention?
• Am I consumed with being admired?
• Does my appearance fit my profession of godliness?
• Am I exercising wisdom and self-control?

Modesty certainly has implications for how much of the body we reveal. Scripture treats nakedness and sexual exposure seriously. But biblical modesty cannot be reduced to measuring hemlines with a ruler. A woman can be completely covered and still dress for pride, status, or attention. She can also wear something attractive, feminine, and flattering without being immodest.

What Modesty Is Not

Modesty is not a command to make ourselves unattractive. God created beauty, color, craftsmanship, and variety. The Proverbs 31 woman dresses in “fine linen and purple,” and the bride in the Song of Solomon is described as beautiful.

Modesty is not a requirement that every Christian woman dress alike. Scripture does not prescribe one fabric, skirt length, sleeve length, or approved style for every woman in every culture and circumstance.

Modesty is not a system by which we prove that we are more spiritual than other women. Rules can help us apply a principle wisely, but our personal rules must not quietly become additions to Scripture.

Modesty also does not make women responsible for every thought a man may have. Men are responsible before God for their own eyes, thoughts, and conduct. At the same time, Christian love means that neither men nor women should deliberately use their bodies to invite sexual attention outside its proper place.

Finally, modesty is not merely a women’s issue. Men, too, can dress to display wealth, sexuality, power, or physical superiority. The biblical call to humility and self-control belongs to every believer.

The modest woman is not necessarily the woman wearing the longest skirt or the plainest clothing. She is the woman whose outward choices are governed by an inward desire to honor God. Her clothing does not need to erase her personality or hide every trace of beauty. It should simply agree with what she professes: that Christ, rather than her body, wealth, or social standing, is her greatest treasure.

Before asking, Is this outfit allowed? perhaps we should first ask:

What am I hoping my appearance will communicate?

Do my choices reflect humility, self-control, and consideration for others?

Am I using modesty to honor God—or to measure myself against other women?

What if My Husband Doesn't Agree?

 

 

What If My Husband Doesn’t Agree With Head Covering?

What if you become convinced that you should cover, but your husband disagrees?

This involves more than interpreting 1 Corinthians 11. It touches marriage, conscience, submission, and obedience to God. It deserves more than a quick “Obey your husband” or “Obey God rather than man.”

First, disagreement is not the same as conflict.

Your husband may believe head covering was cultural, that a woman’s hair is her covering, or that the passage does not apply today. He may worry about legalism or simply think a covering will look strange. That does not necessarily mean he will forbid you to wear one.

If Your Husband Is Not a Believer

Scripture recognizes the difficulty of this situation:

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives.
—1 Peter 3:1

Your conduct—more than your arguments—may be what God uses to bring your husband to Himself. If your husband does not attend church, putting on your covering after you arrive may allow you to honor your conviction without creating unnecessary friction at home.

If Your Husband Is a Believer

Begin with prayer. Ask what he believes, explain how you reached your conclusion, and invite him to study the passage with you.

Remember that you may have spent months considering this question. He may have had only a few minutes. Give him room to catch up.

Ask whether he can support your decision as a matter of conscience even if he remains unconvinced. A husband can disagree and still protect and support his wife.

If He Actively Opposes Covering

Explain calmly that ignoring the instruction would violate your conscience—if that is truly your conviction. Then look for a peaceful way forward. Would he accept a modest hat or another less conspicuous covering?

If he will not accept even that, I am not going to counsel you to defy your husband. Continue praying for understanding without turning prayer into nagging.

Let him see that your study has produced greater humility, patience, and love—not contention or self-righteousness. You may be right about the covering and wrong in how you treat your husband over it.

Both matter.

You do not have to resolve everything immediately. Pursue obedience to God and peace in your marriage, trusting the Lord to work in both your conscience and your relationship.

A question for reflection:
Am I pursuing both obedience to God and a posture of humility, respect, and peace within my marriage?

 

 

Is a Woman's Hair Her Cover?

 

This post is adapted from Recovering Covering: Scripture, Conscience, and the Beauty of Biblical Head Covering.

One common interpretation of 1 Corinthians 11 is that a woman’s long hair is the only covering Paul requires. Verse 15 says that her hair is “given to her for a covering,” so the argument seems simple: if God has given a woman long hair, nothing more is necessary.

Until I studied the passage more carefully, this was the view I held.

Long hair certainly matters in Paul’s argument. It reflects the good distinctions God created between men and women, and Scripture calls a woman’s long hair her glory.

But that raises an important question: If her hair is her glory, can it also be the thing that covers her glory?

Hair does not conceal her glory—it displays it. In gathered worship, our purpose is not to display personal glory, however lovely or God-given it may be, but to direct attention toward God.

The wording of the passage also distinguishes hair from the covering. Paul writes:

“For if a wife will not cover her head, then she should cut her hair short.”
—1 Corinthians 11:6

Paul treats refusing to cover and cutting off the hair as two separate actions. If the hair were the only covering in view, his reasoning would become redundant: if she will not have hair, she should cut off her hair.

Paul also uses different Greek words. In verses 5–6, he uses forms of katakalyptō, meaning to cover or veil. In verse 15, he calls the hair a peribolaion—a wrap or mantle. This suggests analogy rather than equivalence.

The most natural reading is that long hair illustrates the principle of covering; it does not replace the covering. God has woven visible distinctions between men and women into creation. In worship, the removable covering honors those distinctions and responds deliberately to the order God established.

If Paul calls a woman’s long hair her glory, how does that shape your understanding of whether hair itself can fulfill the instruction to cover?

For a fuller examination of this passage and other common interpretations, see Recovering Covering on Amazon.

 

Product Review: Scarf Bar

 

This bandana is from Scarf Bar.

I wear more formal covers to Lord's Day Service and other more...well...formal events.

 I attend a women's Bible study that is very informal and I wore this bandana yesterday. 

I like everything about it!

• sustainable cotton/viscose fabric
• perfect size for a bandana
• very lightweight - great for high desert summers.
• the fabric is loosely woven 
• ...and the fabric is very soft and drapes really well
• Because the fabric is so loosely woven, I had no problem with it sliding off my head.
• price point is very doable.

(and I'm off to buy a couple more from this company) 

What If the Topic Comes Up At Church?

 

Our church has a women's Bible study that I've attended (I took some time off to care for my mother-in-law with dementia, who recently passed, so I'm able to attend,)

 Since I've attended in the past, it's not like "oh, they're going to 1 Corinthians, I should go!"

 And they are going through 1 Corinthians.

We had made a commitment to our pastors that we would not "proselytize" but if it comes up organically I can openly make my position known and I can defend it.

Interestingly, the group leaders have side-stepped a bit and gave out an outline with chapter 11 titled "headship."  Yes, headship is there, but so is the application.

My book will be out in all three formats before then, I won't advertise in the group and I won't give out the books, but I'm sure Phil will put it out of Facebook so folks at church will know it's there.

 It will be interesting 

 For the record, I've had only positive comments (except for one) in conversations at church. The men my husband rubs shoulders with...seem to agree with us. One friend told me that she really liked the way I am intentional about what I wear.